Lady Vader (Dormé Skywalker) (au_dorme) wrote in swfemproject,
Lady Vader (Dormé Skywalker)
au_dorme
swfemproject

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Unrequited

TITLE: Unrequited
PART(S): Canon One-shot
AUTHOR: cariel/Cariel
GENRE: Drama
RATING:
PG
PAIRINGS: Anakin/Padmé
SUMMARY: Dormé's musings after Padmé's death.
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He’s dead. They say he died an honourable death at the hands of the Jedi that betrayed the Empire. Poor Anakin! He was so young! He was going to be a father! All of his dreams and hopes…all of his talents and strengths…all of it is gone.

How many hours did she spend scouring security vids to find holos of him for her secret stash? How often did she read every battle record she could find if only to see a mention of his name? How many different men did she seek to spend time with who bore a resemblance to the formidable Jedi? How many times were they in the same room and he looked right through her? How long had Dormé longed to be with him only to watch him with her mistress? She wished so desperately that he would look at her the way he looked at Padmé.

Padmé, she too was gone. Padmé had served her people first and foremost, never thinking of herself. She sacrificed her own true happiness for the love of the people of Naboo. Dormé readily recalled the news of her mistress’s marriage to Anakin. She had been so in love, they both had been, and for once in her life, truly happy. Dormé recognised the change in her mistress every time Anakin went away. But Dormé could never tell just who missed him the most. His very presence in the senator’s chambers was like a beacon of light in the darkest of times. And Dormé devotedly stood guard as Anakin professed his love to Padmé. It made her heart ache thinking of such times, it ached for the love she wished she had and for the lovers who died.

Their baby paid the worst price. How Dormé had loved their baby! Even before it was born, she had yearned to hold the little one in her arms. Padmé had even spoken to Dormé about returning to Naboo and setting up the baby’s nursery. The thought filled Dormé with such regret. She would have cared for the product of their love as though it were her own baby.

Dormé’s eyes drifted momentarily to the fabric on her gown. She never admitted it to a soul, but she often dreamt of having a large family with many children to cook and care for… She herself had not had a happy childhood, for her father drank too much and her mother barely gave her the time of day. She worked in the factories of her hometown in Uriash since the age of five, despite the laws against child labour. It was no doubt because of this that she always wanted a true family of her own. She used to grow wistful thinking about her dreams, even though she knew it was silly. Why should any such thing happen to a person like her?

For years, she even hoped one of her encounters with various men would lead to a mistake if only she would be granted a child, even though it would be at the cost of her career. This never came to anything anyway and with her mistress dead it no longer mattered.

At twenty-one, Dormé had already decided that her life was over. Ever-loyal to her mistress and to her mistress’s husband, she vowed to serve their memory by pledging herself to the empire. She knew Anakin’s mentor had been Supreme Chancellor-turned-Emperor Palpatine. There was no doubt in her mind that he would have wanted her to serve the empire. Since Padmé could not do it, Dormé would. And somewhere, in the back of her mind, Dormé hoped that wherever they were, in whatever afterlife existed, they would think approvingly of her and that she was serving her duty well.

However, much changed on the day Dormé found herself with child. She couldn't help wondering, if things had been different, what Anakin would have thought of news.
Tags: by:cariel, dorme, het, padme
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  • 2 comments
Okay, that's just so -

*Can't think of the right word. Shakes head*

I don't know if I should feel sorry for Dorme, for being so entirely deluded or if I should feel sickened by her ability to so delude herself, but the whole thing just gives me chills, because I can see something like this happening, especially if no one were to ever try to explain what really happened to the (ex)handmaidens . . .
Duty. It's warped her own life, but in her mind, it was the right way to go.